"Turns out Conan is chimp's daddy"

Did you ever want to know this much about chimpanzee vasectomies?

From the Express-News:

Forget about Anna Nicole's baby. The world's biggest paternity "whodunit" really revolves around a 40-something retiree named Teresa from San Antonio.

Teresa had emerged from her wooded habitat at Chimp Haven primate sanctuary in Louisiana one crisp January morning with a newborn chimpanzee cradled in her arms.

Her caretakers' jaws collectively hit the ground. Teresa, retired two years ago from San Antonio's Southwest Foundation for Biomedical Research, was well past her prime and hadn't given birth in 13 years.

But a real conundrum arose over who was baby Tracy's daddy. Teresa lived on a 5-acre habitat with 17 other chimps, including seven grinning, grunting bachelors.

However, all of them had undergone vasectomies years ago.

I think I'll stop there. Read more, if you like. If you dare.