... I could not help but wince and hold out for hope beyond hope that Universal City Police Sgt. David Kinney, armed with a TASER X26, was truly joking with me when he said dryly, “Don't worry, you being from the press will have no bearing on how this tasering goes.”(from the Northeast Herald)
Fortunately for me, Sgt. Kinney was only teasing – at least in sentiment. The TASER X26, however, proved incapable of the same dry wit. I found this to be an immediate truism as its two silver darts, with attached barbs, pierced my waiting back at a great velocity, dropping my immobilized body immediately to the floor of the Universal City Public Works Building.
For me, the agonizing experience served as one of those defining moments arriving with a message delivered with great voracity. The message? I can now, emphatically, write a story about the effects of being tasered. I definitely have formed an opinion.
As I positioned myself before Kinney in preparation for my tasering, I silently wished he would recall my mentioning to him that my brother and son were police officers, placing me at least in an arm's length of the “brotherhood.” I silently longed for a return to that moment when I could have said “no” to my editor when he asked me to take on this assignment.
Mostly, I hoped Kinney's version of “five seconds” were as definite as mine.
All this was instantaneously removed from my mental faculties as the two metal pins fired from the TASER X26 entered my back with an immense velocity. I would have very much liked to have screamed out in pain, but this did not occur. I could hear myself groaning, but my firmly-pressed lips were not cooperating in allowing the pain to be released.
Strangely, of all things, I had an immediate awareness of my bladder. I prayed I would not be that one volunteer who loses such control. And, I appreciated very much the two volunteers standing beside. Their job? Guide me down to the floor.
The article is actually about the Universal City Citizens Police Academy, a program designed to teach citizens how the police department works and how they can better protect themselves, but Davidson uses his very memorable tasering episode as the framework to drape his story upon. It's good writing, and it entertains while it enlightens. It's a funny story about a serious and laudable program, and it's a good read, too.
Now, who wants to be tasered?