Someone who should think a little more

About where he consumes the fruits of his endeavors, that it.

Police say the assault happened in the 100 block of Eross around 8 p.m. Thursday.

According to police, the suspect flagged down the ice cream van and somehow got inside.

He assaulted the driver and officers found him a short time later walking in the area with merchandise from the van.

(from KSAT-12)

Walking in the area. Just casually, I assume. With "merchandise from the van". Not a care for the cops at all.

But inquiring minds want to know: How much "merchandise" was he carrying? And was he worried about it melting (this is summer, you know)? Did he have a freezer handy? And what was he eating at the time? A drumstick? A fudgesicle? One of those weird foot-shaped things with a gumball in the big toe? Choco-taco?

Please, please television journalists, ask the right questions! I am genuinely curious!