"No ‘beer machine' at Alamo"
No, I'm not taking a stand on whether or not it's a good idea to allow alcohol sales at private events after hours on the grounds of the Alamo. I'm expressing amazement at the notion that there could be such a thing as a "beer machine", for which I'm imagining a fully-functioning robotic unit that dispenses beer with mechanical precision (preferably while rolling around on tracks or mounted to a mech frame), not just a pressurized tap. And then I'm realizing that such a thing is not a thing, and that it will never be available to me at the Alamo.
And I'm a little sad.