Skipping court

Don't feel like going to court? Just cancel your appointment.

That's what one local man tried to do. But it didn't quite work out the way he'd hoped.

A federal judge has issued an arrest warrant for an area podiatrist after he failed to show up for a hearing Thursday on charges of cheating on his taxes.

Donald E. Robinson, 66, faxed papers to the federal courthouse in San Antonio stating that his hearing had been “canceled,” and that he had issued a $300 million warrant naming himself as the surety, though he has no authority, Chief U.S. District Judge Fred Biery said at the hearing.

“As long as we get the $300 million I don't care if he shows up or not,” Biery said in jest. “The government could use that money.”

...

[Robinson] said he did not show up to his hearing because he believed he was working it out with the IRS.

“The Bible says you take it to your brother and try to settle it in the private. That's what I tried to do.”

(from the Express-News)

Yeah, except the courts don't like for you to decide whether or not you actually show up. If so, you might as well replace the benches with fax machines and great big bins to catch all those cancellation notices.

Bonus strangeness: Someone who thinks of the IRS as their brother.