Puzzling food

I don't normally draw attention to the weird antics of PETA. I don't agree with their message, and I know that they stage the kookiest stunts they can think of just to get some kind of attention -- any kind, really -- and I don't want to be seen as giving them the attention they crave.

But this short bit from KENS-5 on a PETA report listing the top 10 vegan sports arenas caught my eye, and it's not because the AT&T Center placed eighth on the PETA list. It's because of this:

It's fitting that familiar favorites, including bean burritos and tacos, vegan apple turnovers, and, in premium areas, vegan sloppy Joes, would be found at the home of the [Spurs].

Wut!?? The hell.

Is a vegan sloppy joe?

Don't tell me it's a textured protein or tofu and that it's indistinguishable from beef. Uh uh. I'm not buying that. A sloppy joe is ground beef simmered in a very delicious sauce and served on a bun, preferably toasted. It's not textured protein or tofu. I've had those items for many a meal, and I have nothing against them. They can be quite tasty, depending on how they are prepared. But I can't see how those meat substitutes can ever replace ground beef in a sloppy joe. I just can't get my head around it, and I can't see myself ever ordering or paying for something called a "vegan sloppy joe".

Least of all in the AT&T center. Hell, your meatless slop burger will probably run you $15 there, and that's without fries or a drink.